While reading the May edition of Chicago Parent I was drawn to a comment made by Editor Tamara L O’Shaughnessy in the “From the Editor” section. She said, “I didn’t expect to feel so jealous of the stay-at-home moms laughing and playing with their little ones at the park as I pass every day at lunch.”
I think that as a mother who has been on both sides I understand that jealousy. However, as a stay-at-home mom I can guarantee you that we are looking at you thinking “I wish that was me walking on my lunch break, not dealing with the kids.”
It is a rather ironic dichotomy. As a working mom you have a sense of guilt for working and not being home. You fear that others, namely stay-at-home moms, look at you as a career driven, heartless woman, who most likely had children to prove a point. As a stay-at-home mom you have a sense of guilt as well. You fear that others, namely working moms, look at you as a mindless, gym going, park playing, weak woman who most likely went to college for her MRS.
The truth of the matter is that it is mostly all in your head. I went back to work after my first child. As a matter of fact, I took a promotion during maternity leave. I was on the fast track, looking at being a director in the next year or two. I had guilt, I was jealous, and I wanted to be home laughing and playing with my child at the park. After my second child I went back to work, but because of my husband’s travel schedule with his job we made a decision for me to stay at home with the kids. Now as a stay-at-home mom I have guilt, I am jealous, and I want to be going to work: interacting with adults and making adult decisions.
I have had the privilege of being a working mom and a stay-at-home mom; both teaching me valuable lessons about the so-called pressures of society and myself. The truth is; you can’t win. No matter the decision you make you will feel guilty, jealous and want to be doing something else. Maybe not everyday but once in a while you will see that mom at the park with her kids or walking on her lunch break and think, “I wish that were me.”
3 comments:
Well said. Wish it wasn't true that you can't win...but it is. Perhaps a side-job is in order? Believe me though...lots of little jobs is just as hard (as I type with a wiggly, whiny one-year-old on my lap...)
Occasionally I do wish I were a SAHM, but then I spend a few days at home alone with my kids, and I want to pull my hair out and check myself into a padded room. I think for me the perfect fit would be a part time job. However it's not something we can do as a family, and my kiddos spend each day with their grandparents, so I'm happy with the arrangement.
I love this and appreciate your perspective since you've experienced both! I wish we didn't do this to ourselves, but most of us do.
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